20岁光阴不再来演讲稿

20岁光阴不再来演讲稿篇一

ted演讲二十岁光阴不再来笔记

TED演讲

30s is not new 20s 二十岁光阴不再来

二十岁是人一生中非常重要的时刻。

事业发展的前十年对事业影响最大，而百分之八十能决定一个人一生的决定都是在30岁中旬做出的。二十岁是大脑发育的最后时刻，也是塑造性格的最好时期。在此期间打下的基础，将决定你的事业、家庭与未来。

开始做那些你想做的事情，做一些增加你个人价值的事情，投资这些身份（who you might want to be: who you are, what your job is）资本使得其最终能成为你身份的资本，成为能写进你简历的东西。可以说，这是回报率最高，对你影响最大的投资。

年轻人应该探索，但不代表应该做无谓的探索。那不叫探索，只能叫拖延。做事情时要有主次观念，就算空暇时也别浪费时间干没意义的事。与其拿手机刷微博，不如背几个单词。 认清你的成年期，你已经是个成年人了，就该以成年人的标准来要求自己，而不是还当自己是一个小孩。机会成本会随着年龄的增长而加大，趁年轻干自己真正想干的事情，失败的成本低，收获的回报大。

利用好弱关系，认真对待周围无论亲疏与否的每一个人，他们都可能会给你提供机会和帮助。不要害怕求助，人与人之间就是该互助的。慎重选择你的家人，不要抱着打发时间的态度去跟随便一个人谈恋爱，认真对待你的对象。

多与不同年龄段的人交往，不要将自己的交际局限于一个小小的圈子之内，切忌坐井观天。 不要被你不知道或没做过的事所限制。

你的一生由你决定。

20岁光阴不再来演讲稿篇二

20岁光阴不再来(英)

20岁光阴不再来

When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at

Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex. Now Alex walked into her first session. Wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. Now when I heard this, I was so relieved. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client. And I got a twenty something who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle. But I didn't handle it.With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road."Thirty's the new 20," Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right. Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later.Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time. But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life. I pushed back. I said, "Sure, she's dating down, she’s sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."And then my supervisor said, “Not yet, but she might marry the next one. Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage is before she has one."That's what psychologists call an "Aha!" moment. Not the new 20.Yes, people settle down later than they used to, mental downtime.

That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it.That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere. There are 50 million twenty something in the

United States right now. We’re talking about 15 percent of the population or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first. Raise your hand if you're in your 20s.I really want to see some twentysomethings here.Oh, yay! Y'all's awesome. If you work with twentysomethings, you love a

twentysomething,Okay. Awesome, twentysomethings really matter. So I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can door work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world. This is not my opinion. These are the facts. We know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35.That means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "Aha!" moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. People, who are over 40, don't panic. This crowd is going to be fine, I think. We know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential

impacton how much money you're going to earn. We know that more than half of Americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30.We know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it.We know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28,and things get tricky after age 35.So your 20s are the time to educate yourselfabout your body and your options. So when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical periodfor language and attachment in the brain. It’s a time when your ordinary, day-to-day lifehas an inordinate impact on who you will become.

But what we hear less about is that there's such a thingas adult development, and our 20sare that critical period of adult

development. But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing. Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethingslike "twisters" and "kidult. “It’s true.As a culture, we have trivialized what is actuallythe defining decade of adulthood.Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things,you need a plan and not quite enough time.Isn't that true?So what do you think happenswhen you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say,"You have 10 extra years to start your life"?Nothing happens.You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition,and absolutely nothing happens.And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethingslike you or like your sons and daughterscome into my office and say things like this:"I know my

boyfriend's no good for me,but this relationship doesn't count. I'm just killing time."Or they say, "Everybody says as long as I get started on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine."But then it starts to sound like this:"My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself.I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college."And then it starts to sound like this:"Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs.Everybody was running around and having fun,but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned offand everybody started sitting down.I didn't want to be the only one left standing up,so sometimes I think I married my husbandbecause he was the closest chair to me at 30."Where are the

twentysomethings here?Do not do that.Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake,the stakes are very high. When a lot has been pushed to your 30s,there is enormous thirtysomething pressureto jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up,and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time.Many of these things are incompatible,and as

research is just starting to show,simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.The post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car.It's realizing you can't have that career you now want.It's realizing you can't have that child you now want,or you can't give your child a sibling.Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethingslook at

themselves, and at me, sitting across the room,and say about their 20s,"What was I doing? What was I thinking?"I want to change what twentysomethingsare doing and thinking.Here's a story about how that can go.It's a story about a woman{20岁光阴不再来演讲稿}.

named Emma. At 25, Emma came to my officebecause she was, in her words, having an identity crisis.She said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet,so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead.Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition.And as hard as her 20s were,her early life had been even harder.She often cried in our sessions,but then would collect herself by

saying,"You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."Well one day, Emma comes inand she hangs her head in her lap,and she sobbed for most of the hour.She'd just bought a new address book,and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts,but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "In case of emergency, please call "She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said,"Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck? Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?"Now in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, "I will."But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared.Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance.I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emma's defining decade went parading by.So

over the next weeks and months,I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female,deserves to hear.First,

I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisisand get some identity capital.By get identity capital, I mean do

something that adds value to who you are.Do something that's an investmentin who you might want to be next.I didn't know the future of Emma's career,and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this:Identity capital begets identity capital.So now is the time for that cross-country job,that internship, that startup you want to try.I'm not discounting

twentysomething exploration here,but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count,which, by the way, is not exploration.That's procrastination.I told Emma to explore work and make it count.Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated.Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport,but twentysomethings who huddle togetherwith like-minded peers limit who they know,what they know, how they think, how they speak,and where they work.That new piece of capital, that new person to datealmost always comes from outside the inner circle.New things come from what are called our weak ties,our friends of friends of friends.So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed.But half aren't, and weak tiesare how you get yourself into that group.Half of new jobs are never posted,so reaching out to your neighbor's bossis how you get that un-posted job.It's not cheating. It's the science of how information spreads.Last but not least, Emma believed thatyou can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends.Now this was true for her growing up,but as a

twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someoneand created a family of her own.I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now.Now you may be thinking that 30is actually a better time to settle downthan 20, or even 25,and I agree with you.But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress.The best time to work on your marriageis before you have one,and

20岁光阴不再来演讲稿篇三

20岁光阴不再来读后感

读《20岁，光阴不再来》有感

当我拿起这本书时，思考了很多，因为同类书籍看了不少，但它不同,它横跨了懵懂到成熟。

在浩瀚无边的水中，无论朝哪个方向看，都无法找到陆地，不断地呛水，不知道何去何从。已经过了“可以游向任何地方，做任何事”盲目乐观的年龄，也不知道该做哪些“任何事”才能成功。就这样在原地打转，只能拼命地扑腾，让自己不沉下去。这是《20岁，光阴不再来》给我映像最深的一句，伊恩用简单的几句话，陈述了大多数20多岁迷茫少年的心声，我也是这样。

20岁，我拥有很多，冲动的爱情、叛逆的青春、执着的奋斗、疯狂的尝试。只有在20多岁，我才能使劲儿折腾，去碰撞自己的激情，去挑战自己的不可能，探索各种梦想实现的可能。

正20多岁的我，窃喜过一时的胜利、品尝过甜蜜的爱情、坚定过偶尔的冲动，我曾放纵，有过后悔，却一直在成长，体验了生活的复杂和诱惑，可却在这一刻迷茫。20岁之前，我肆无忌惮的玩耍，时而坚定时而无所谓，因为没有所谓的担子。而现在，拥有了工作，即将面对的是生活，娶妻生子，这一切都在这一刻全部临近，让一个无忧无虑的少年有了些许的忧愁，因为迷茫。不知如何在工作上突出自己，不知怎么把自己能力全部应用，迫切的想要更广的朋友圈，想去比较，想比同龄人更优秀，可却适得其反。

20岁到30岁，我从学生转化为社会人，这一跨度让曾经骄傲自信的那个我停住了脚步，因为每一个步伐，比以前更重、更沉。{20岁光阴不再来演讲稿}.

这本书给我启发很多，有事业，有爱情，有自我升华。20岁，光阴不再来让我更懂得了珍惜，当这份工作正式入职的那一天，我应该和大家一样，期待实现自己的理想，期望实现自己的价值，让自己脱颖而出，可年轻的大脑忘了告诉自己，那些不是幻想，而是需要认识自己，提高自己，融入自己的团队，这些都需要时间给我历练，没有人一上来就能有所作为，那只会出现在小说里。20多岁，我选择将自己的事业放在中粮，以小目标开始为未来努力，只有每一小步都走好，才不会在奔跑的时候摔倒，只有扎实的地基，才能屹立高楼。

20岁，不可有错度的光阴，而是需将这最繁华的20岁幻化为事业的基石。

20岁光阴不再来演讲稿篇四

20岁光阴不再来

记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。

第一次见面Alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。我觉得我可以搞定。

但是我没有搞定。Alex不断地讲有趣的事情，而我只能简单地点头认同她所说的，很自然地就陷入了附和的状态。

Alex说：“30岁是一个新的20岁”。没错，我告诉她“你是对的”。工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。像Alex和我这样20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。

但不久之后，我的导师就要我向Alex的感情生活施压。我反驳说：“当然她现在正在和别人交往，她现在和一个傻瓜男生睡觉，但看样子她不会和他结婚的。” 而我的导师说：“不着急，她也许会和下一个结婚。但修复Alex婚姻的最好时期是她还没拥有婚姻的时期。”

这就是心理学家说的“顿悟时刻”。正是那个时候我意识到，30岁不是一个新的20岁。的确，和以前的人相比，现在人们更晚才安定下来，但是这不代表Alex就能长期处于20多岁的状态。

更晚安定下来，应该使Alex的20多岁成为发展的黄金时段，而我们却坐在那里忽视这个发展的时机。从那时起我意识到这种善意的忽视确实是个问题，它不仅给Alex本身和她的感情生活带来不良后果，而且影响到处20多岁的人的事业、家庭和未来。

现在在美国，20多岁的人有五千万，也就是15%的人口，或者可以说所有人口，因为所有成年人都要经历他们的20多岁。

如果你现在20多岁，请举手。我很想看到有20多岁的人在这里。哦，很好。如果你和20多岁的人一起工作，你喜欢20多岁的人，你因为20多岁的人辗转难眠，我想看到你们。很棒，看来20多岁的人确实很受重视。

因此我专门研究20多岁的人，因为我坚信这五千万的20多岁的人，每一个人都应该去了解那些心理学家、社会学家、神经学家和生育专家已经知道的事实：你的20多岁是极简单却极具变化的时期之一。你20多岁的时光决定了你的事业、爱情、幸福甚至整个世界。

我们知道人在20多岁的时候大脑停止第二次也是最后一次重组，以适应成年世界的快速发育阶段。这就意味着不管你想怎样改变自己，现在就是时间改变了。我们知道在20多岁的时候，性格的改变多于生命中任何时期。我们也知道女性的最佳生育时期在28岁的时候达到顶峰，35岁之后生育变得困难。

所以你的20多岁正是了解你自身和选择的时期。当我们想到孩童的成长时，我们都知道1-5岁是大脑学习语言和感知的重要时期。这个时期，日常的普通生活都会对你的未来道路影响巨大。

但是我们却很少听到成年发展期，而我们的20多岁正是成年发展期的关键。但是20多岁的人却听不到这些，报纸讨论的只是成年年龄界线的变更。

研究者称20多岁是延长的青春期。记者就引用傻傻的外号称呼20多岁的人，比如“twixters” (twenty-mixters)和“kidults”(kid-adults)。 这是真的。作为一种文化，我们的忽视的正是对成年起到决定性作用的十年（从20岁到30岁）。

雷昂纳德·伯恩斯坦说过：要想取得成就，你需要一个计划和紧迫的时间。这是大实话啊！所以当你拍着一个20多岁的人的脑袋，跟他说，“你有额外的10年去开始你的生活”，你觉得这改变了什么？什么都没改变。你只是夺走了那个人的紧迫感和雄心壮志，绝对没有改变什么。

然后每天，那些聪明有趣的20多岁的人就像你们和你们的儿子女儿一样，走入我的办公室开始说：“我知道我的男朋友对我不够好，但是我们的关系不算数。我只是在消磨时光而已。”或者说“每个人都告诉我只要能在30岁的时候开始我的事业，这就足够了。”

但是实际听上去却是：“我马上就要三十了，却根本就没有东西展示。我只是在大学毕业时有过一份最漂亮的简历。” 或是这样：“我20多岁时的约会就像找凳子。每个人都绕着凳子跑，随便玩一玩，但是快30的时候就像音乐停止了，所有人开始坐下。

我不想成为那唯一站着的人，所以有时候我会想我和我丈夫之所以会结婚，是因为在我30岁的时候，他是当时离我最近的那张凳子。在场的20多岁的人呐，千万不要这样做。这个做法听起来有点轻率，但是不要犯错，因为风险很高。

这不是我的看法。这些是事实。我们知道80%决定你生活的时刻发生在35岁之前。这就意味着你生活的重要决定、经历和突然的领悟，有八成是在你30多岁之前发生的。

那些超过40岁的朋友不要惊慌，我想这群人会没事的。我们知道职业生涯的前10年对你将来的收入有重大影响。我们知道到了30岁的时候，超过半数的美国人会结婚或者和未来的另一半同居或者约会。

当很多事都被挤到你30多岁的时候，就会有巨大压力，在很短的时间内快速启动一项事业，挑一个城市，找到伴侣，生两三个孩子。这些事大多是不能同时完成的，正如研究表明，在30岁的时候要想工作生活一步到位，难度很高，压力很大。

千禧年后的中年危机并不是一辆红色跑车。而是意识到你不能拥有你想拥有的事业，意识到你不能拥有你想要的孩子，或者给你的孩子添个兄弟姐妹。

太多30多岁40多岁的人看看他们自己，看看我，坐在屋子里谈论自己的20多岁，“我当时都干么了？我当时都想啥了？”我想改变现在20多岁人的所思所为。

这里我想讲个故事说明问题。这个故事是关于名叫Emma一个女人。她25岁的时候走入我的办公室，因为用她自己的话说，她有自我认识危机。她说她也许想从事关于艺术或者娱乐的工作，但是她还没决定。所以取而代之的是她花了过去几年的时间当服务员。

为了减少开销，她和她的男朋友同居，一个脾气暴躁而无志向的人。正如她悲惨的20多岁，她早年的生活更加悲惨。她经常在谈话过程中哭泣，努力镇定下来后说“你没办法选择你的家庭，但是你可以选择你的朋友。”

有一天，Emma走进来，她双手抱头于膝盖，然后抽泣了几乎一个小时。她刚买了一个新的通讯录本子，然后花了一整个早上的时间填写她的联系人信息。当她填到“万一发生紧急情况，请联系...”的时候，她没有任何人可填。

她几乎崩溃地看着我并说，“如果我被车撞了，谁会在那里？假如我得癌症了，谁会在那里？” 在那种情况下，我花了好大力气才忍住说“我会。”

Emma所需要的并不是理疗师所真正关心的。她需要一个更好的生活，我知道这是她的机会。自Alex开始，我从这份工作上学到了很多，不能只是坐在那里看着Emma十年黄金定型期白白消逝。

所以接下去的几个星期几个月，我告诉Emma三件事，所有20多岁的男生女生都值得听一听

首先，我告诉Emma忘掉她的自我认识危机，去获得一些身份认定的资本。身份资本是指做增加自我价值的事。为自己下一步想成为的样子做一些事一些投资。

我不知道Emma的工作将来是什么样的，也没人知道将来的工作是什么样的，但是我知道：身份资本会创造出更多身份资本。现在是时候去尝试你想要的海外工作、实习或者新起点。

I我不是轻视20多岁的自我探索，而是轻视那些随便玩玩无所谓的探索，或者从某种意义上说那不是探索。那是拖沓！我告诉Emma去探索工作，让她的探索有所回报。

第二，我告诉Emma不要高估自己的朋友圈。

好朋友会载你去机场，而和“志同道合的朋友” 瞎混的20多岁的人，他们的交际圈、知识面、思维方式、说话方式和工作层面都被限制住了。新的资本或者新的约会对方往往是从内部交际圈之外来的。

新的事情来自我们所谓的“远的关系”，我们朋友的朋友的朋友。没错，半数20多岁的人处在失业和半失业的状态。但是另外一半的人却不是这样的，“远的关系”正是你融入一个新的群体的纽带。有半数的新工作从来不公示出来，所以

联络你邻居的老板是你找到那些未公示工作的方式。这不叫作弊，这是信息传播的科学方式。

最后一点也很重要，Emma相信你无法选择你的家庭，但是你可以选择你的朋友。可这只是她成长时期的状况。作为一个20多岁的人，Emma很快会与某人为伴组建她自己的新家庭。

我告诉Emma现在就是你选择你家庭的时候。现在你也许会想相比于20岁，25岁或30岁时组建家庭会更好。我同意你的看法。但是当你Facebook上的朋友都开始步入婚姻殿堂时，你随便抓一个人一起生活、睡觉绝对不是组建家庭的过程。

经营你婚姻的最佳时间是你还没结婚的时候，这意味要像你为了工作一样精心谋划。选择你的家庭是有意识地去选择你想要的人和事，而不是为了结婚或者消磨时光，任意选择一个正好选择你的人。

Emma发生了什么变化呢？我们翻了一遍通讯录，她发现她原来的舍友的表妹在另一个州的一家艺术博物馆工作。这层远关系帮助她在那里得到一份工作。这份工作给她一个理由离开她那同居的男友。

现在五年过去了，她是一名博物馆特别活动策划者。她和一个她用心选择的男人结婚了。她爱她的事业，她爱她的新家，她寄给我一张贺卡写道，“现在紧急联系栏似乎不够填呢。”

Emma的故事听起来简单，这正是为什么我爱和20多岁人打交道。帮助20多岁的人很容易。20多岁就像离开洛杉矶飞往西部某处的飞机，起飞之后，一点小小变化都会影响到它最终将降落在阿拉斯加还是斐济。

同理，在你21岁，25岁甚至29岁的时候，一次好的谈话、好的休息、好的TED演讲，能在未来的几年甚至几代人的时间里带来巨大的影响。因此这个想法值得传达给每一个你所认识的20多岁人。

这想法就像我后来告诉Alex的话一样简单。我应该每天都对像Emma这样的20多岁的人说：30岁不是一个新的20岁，所以规划好你的成年生活，获得一些身份认同资本，利用你的远关系，选择你的家庭。不要被你所不知道的，从未做过的事所禁锢。你现在的作为决定着你的人生。谢谢。

20岁光阴不再来演讲稿篇五

二十岁光阴不再来

20岁光阴不再来

When I was in my 20s,I saw my very first psychotherapy client.I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley.She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex.Now Alex walked into her first session.wearing jeans and a big slouchy top,and she dropped onto the couch in my officeand kicked off her flatsand told me she was there to talk about guy problems.Now when I heard this, I was so relieved.My classmate got an arsonist for her first client.And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys.This I thought I could handle.But I didn't handle it.With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session,it was easy for me just to nod my headwhile we kicked the can down the road."Thirty's the new 20," Alex would say,and as far as I could tell, she was right.Work happened later, marriage happened later,kids happened later, even death happened later.Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.But before long, my supervisor pushed meto push Alex about her love life.I pushed back.I said, "Sure, she's dating down,she's sleeping with a knucklehead,but it's not like she's going to marry theguy."And then my supervisor said,"Not yet, but she might marry the next one.Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriageis before she has one."That's what psychologists call an "Aha!" moment.not the new 20.Yes, people settle down later than they used to,mental downtime.

That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot,and we were sitting there blowing it.That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglectwas a real problem, and it had real consequences,not just for Alex and her love lifebut for the careers and the families and the futuresof twentysomethings everywhere.There are 50 million twentysomethingsin the United States right now.We're talking about 15 percent of the population,or 100 percent if you considerthat no one's getting through adulthoodwithout going through their 20s first.Raise your hand if you're in your 20s.I really want to see some twentysomethings here.Oh, yay! Y'all'sawesome.If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething,Okay. Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.So I specialize in twentysomethings because I believethat every single one of those 50 million twentysomethingsdeserves to know what psychologists,sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialistsalready know:that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest,yet most transformative, things you can dofor work, for love, for your happiness,maybe even for the world.This is not my opinion. These are the facts.We know that 80 percent of life's most defining momentstake place by age 35.That means that eight out of 10 of the decisionsand experiences and "Aha!" momentsthat make your life what it iswill have happened by your mid-30s.People who are over 40, don't panic.This crowd is going to be fine, I think.We know that the first 10 years of a careerhas an exponential impacton how much money you're going to earn.We know that more than half of Americansare married or are living with or datingtheir future partner by 30.We know that the brain caps off its

secondand last growth spurt in your 20sas it rewires itself for adulthood,which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself,now is the time to change it.We know that personality changes more during your 20sthan at any other time in life,and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28,and things get tricky after age 35.So your 20s are the time to educate yourselfabout your body and your options.So when we think about child development,we all know that the first five years are a critical periodfor language and attachment in the brain.It's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day lifehas an inordinate impact on who you will become.But what we hear less about is that there's such a thingas adult development, and our 20sare that critical period of adult development.But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing.Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood.Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence.Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethingslike "twixters" and "kidults."It's true.As a culture, we have trivialized what is actuallythe defining decade of adulthood.Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things,you need a plan and not quite enough time.Isn't that true?So what do you think happenswhen you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say,"You have 10 extra years to start your life"?Nothinghappens.You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition,and absolutely nothing happens.And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethingslike you or like your sons and daughterscome into my office and say things like this:"I know my boyfriend's no good for me,but this relationship doesn't count. I'm just killing time."Or they say, "Everybody

says as long as I get startedon a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine."But then it starts to sound like this:"My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself.I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college."And then it starts to sound like this:"Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs.Everybody was running around and having fun,but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned offand everybody started sitting down.I didn't want to be the only one left standing up,so sometimes I think I married my husbandbecause he was the closest chair to me at 30."Where are the twentysomethings here?Do not do that.Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake,the stakes are very high.When a lot has been pushed to your 30s,there is enormous thirtysomething pressureto jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up,and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time.Many of these things are incompatible,and as research is just starting to show,simplyharder and more stressful to doall at once in our 30s.The post-millennial midlife crisisisn't buying a red sports car.It's realizing you can't have that career you now want.It's realizing you can't have that child you now want,or you can't give your child a sibling.Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethingslook at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room,and say about their 20s,"What was I doing? What was I thinking?"I want to change what twentysomethingsare doing and thinking.Here's a story about how that can go.It's a story about a woman named Emma.At 25, Emma came to my officebecause she was, in her words, having an identity crisis.She said she thought she might like to work in artor entertainment,{20岁光阴不再来演讲稿}.{20岁光阴不再来演讲稿}.

but she hadn't decided yet,so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead.Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriendwho displayed his temper more than his ambition.And as hard as her 20s were,her early life had been even harder.She often cried in our sessions,but then would collect herself by saying,"You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."Well one day, Emma comes inand she hangs her head in her lap,and she sobbed for most of the hour.She'djust bought a new address book,and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts,but then she'd been left staring at that empty blankthat comes after the words"In case of emergency, please call ... ."She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said,"Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck?Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?"Now in that moment, it took everything I hadnot to say, "I will."But what Emma needed wasn't some therapistwho really, really cared.Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance.I had learned too much since I first worked with Alexto just sit there while Emma's defining decadewent parading by.Soover the next weeks and months,I told Emmathree things that everytwentysomething, male or female,deserves to hear.First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisisand get some identity capital.By get identity capital, I mean do somethingthat adds value to who you are.Do something that's an investmentin who you might want to be next.I didn't know the future of Emma's career,and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this:Identity capital begets identity capital.So now is the time for that cross-country job,that internship, that startup you want to try.I'm not

20岁光阴不再来演讲稿篇六

20岁光阴不再来

00:11When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex.

00:25Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client.

00:45(Laughter)

00:46And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle. But I didn't handle it. With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my headwhile we kicked the can down the road. "Thirty's the new 20," Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right. Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened

later. Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.

01:19But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life. I pushed back. I said, "Sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."And then my supervisor said, "Not yet, but she might marry the next one. Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage is before she has one."

01:49That's what psychologists call an "Aha!" moment. That was the moment I realized, 30 is not the new{20岁光阴不再来演讲稿}.

20.Yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn't make Alex's 20s a developmental

downtime. That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there, blowing it.That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere. 02:26There are 50 million twentysomethings in the United States right now. We're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.

02:41(Laughter)

02:42Raise your hand if you're in your 20s. I really want to see some twentysomethings here. Oh, yay! You are all awesome. If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, I want to see — Okay. Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.

03:00So, I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility

specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.

03:27This is not my opinion. These are the facts. We know that 80 percent of life's most defining momentstake place by age 35. That means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "Aha!" moments that

make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. People who are over 40, don't panic. This crowd is going to be fine, I think. We know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn. We know that more than half of Americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. We know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. We know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. So your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.

04:43So when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. It's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become. But what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.

05:10But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing. Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. Journalists coin silly nicknames for

twentysomethings like "twixters" and "kidults."

05:27(Laughing) It's true!

05:29As a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.

05:38Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. 05:45(Laughing) Isn't that true?

05:47So what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, "You have 10 extra years to start your life"? Nothing happens. You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.

06:03And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: "I know my boyfriend's no good for me, but this relationship doesn't count. I'm just killing time." Or they say, "Everybody says as long as I get started on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine."

06:28But then it starts to sound like this: "My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself. I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college." And then it starts to sound like this: "Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. Everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. I didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes I think I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30."

07:02Where are the twentysomethings here? Do not do that.

07:06(Laughter)

07:08Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. When a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. Many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.

07:37The post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car. It's realizing you can't have that career you now want. It's realizing you can't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling. Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, "What was I doing? What was I thinking?" I want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.

08:12Here's a story about how that can go. It's a story about a woman named Emma. At 25, Emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. She said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables

instead. Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. And as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. She often cried in our

sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, "You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends." 08:56Well one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the

hour.She'd just bought a new address book, and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "In case of emergency, please

call ..." She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, "Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck? Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?"

09:28Now in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, "I will." But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared. Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance. I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emma's defining decade went parading by.

09:52So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.

10:02First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. By "get identity capital," I mean do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next. I didn't know the future of Emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital. So now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. That's procrastination. I told Emma to explore work and make it count.

10:57Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated. Best friends are great for giving rides to the

airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know,

how they think, how they speak, and where they work. That new piece of capital, that new person to

date almost always comes from outside the inner circle. New things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed. But half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that unposted job. It's not cheating. It's the science of how information spreads.

11:52Last but not least, Emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. Now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now.

12:13Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you. But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you. 12:52So what happened to Emma? Well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. That weak tie helped her get a job

there. That job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. Now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums. She's married to a man she mindfully chose. She loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, "Now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough." 13:28Now Emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what I love about working with

twentysomethings.They are so easy to help. Twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving LAX, bound for somewhere west. Right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji.Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good TED Talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.

14:06So here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. It's as simple as what I learned to say to Alex. It's what I now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like Emma every single day: Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties,pick your family. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. You're deciding your life right now.